I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
