My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
