I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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