just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
