you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
