just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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