My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
