we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
