real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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