I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
