he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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