The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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