just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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