I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
