dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
