Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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