Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
