you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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