Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
