I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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