I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
