Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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