i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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