It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
