I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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