oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
