If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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