His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
