his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
