PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
