is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
