It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
