I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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