I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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