Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
