I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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