She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
