Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
