The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
