My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
