Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
A bitchslap is in order.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
