I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
