Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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