Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
