Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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