No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize