ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
