I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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