Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
