The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
