You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
