If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
