She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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