There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
