the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
