my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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