You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
