I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
...so i touched it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
