When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
