she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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